This is how I have been feeling the last couple of Weeks. I have been going stir CRAZY. It seems as though we haven't done anything and it's been driving me nuts. The weather is too HOT and to be honest I haven't been feeling that great to take them out anywhere all by myself. I feel like July has just passed me by and I love July. It has always been one of my favorite months, because of the holidays. This July has been the pits. I have been sort of depressed, lately. I wonder if Chemo has this side effect??? I will have to ask the doc, next time I'm in. My mind is constantly on my next treatments, how many more, how many more weeks, I wish September 23rd would come quick, my hair(lack of), if I look stupid in my wig, to people notice it's a wig, my surgery, when to have surgery, how long is recovery, how will I look....really the list of questions goes on. I can't stand it anymore. I need this to be all over and I wish it would come fast!!!! I want my life back!!! I want to be feel normal, again. Will I ever feel normal??? I needed to take a break and focus on something different. Brett and I decided that I needed to go up north and visit family. I packed up the kid on Tuesday and headed out. I have been here for 24 hours and I am feeling so much better. My family has kept me busy. It's been so nice and realaxing. The kids have swam, played with cousins, watched movies, manicures, pedicures, been shopping, trips in the car, ice cream, diet coke runs,, hot dogs, junk food, visits from Karissa and Chaddy, and jumping on the tramp. Next on the lsit Cascade Springs. This has been a much needed break! Although I still worry about my hair and cancer, I have joked and laughed about it with my family. I miss Brett, but we're having FUN!!!

What cancer cannot do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannnot destroy Peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot conquer the Spirit.

I never really thought that I would go completely bald, like Mr. Clean. Well guess what?? I am on my way there. After one good scrub of my scalp this is what happen.

I went from that...

to this

Can I just tell you how yesterday felt????? It really was wonderful! My friend, Liz, and I took the kids to the pool. Went to Cafe Rio for lunch. Than headed over to the Library to check out some books and movies. I felt like a normal person. I didn't think twice about the scarf on my head and my baldness underneath, maybe because I am getting use to it. We didn't talk cancer (I don't mind talking about it, it just never came up in conversation) and for a few hours I had forgotten that I had it. The day didn't end there. Brett got home from work and we head to the lake with my niece, Karissa, her boyfriend, and the kids. We tubed, wake boarded, and let the kids play on the beach. It was a fun filled day. I need more days like this.

Treatment number Two

Hmmmm....#2 I really was expecting it to be a lot worse than #1. It's been about the same. I threw-up a few more times than last, but that was just the one night that I got home. I took my sleeping pills and slept the whole night. I woke up feeling pretty good and went out to run some errands. I really can't complain too much about this treatment. I still feel tried, but I'll take that over the throwing-up. My dad and Step mom, Paulette, came down to take and stay with me during this treatment. When I walked into the infusion room, my good buddy Mercedes was there in all her glory with a big smile on her face with excitement that she was there once again. Only because they told her in the beginning that she wouldn't be able to be treated with chemo and gave her 6 months to 1 year to live. She is stage 4 lung cancer, but after her PET Scan Dr Te decide that chemo would work for her. She actually told me that she had another PET scan and her tumor was shrinking. That was exciting news to hear and I am so happy for her. She noticed that I was wearing a scarf and she said, "I was wondering if you would lose you hair." She has also has lost her hair. She really makes it enjoyable being there with her and it makes the time go by fast. I did get a compliment from an old man across the room that looked very sick. he has colon cancer and is not in his liver. He didn't want to talk much and and told me he wasn't havig a good day. He did say he admired my scarf and earings. Hey I'll take a compliment whenever I can get one. Paulette sat and talked with us and my dad took full advantage of the nice leather recliners chairs and laid back and took a nap. Not to mention that he snores. The nurse, Shelia, who I was just started to get to know and like a lot informed me that she is going part-time and would not be working on the days I have treatment...bummer. Paulette is here making a ton of freezer meals that If I feel tired or sick one day I would not have to cook. She also has done all my laundry and cleaned. It's nice to have someone to take care of you every once in a while. I really appreciate it. The kids are doing pretty good. I really don't think they have been effected by my cancer. We have tried to keep things as normal as we possible can for them. Except for all the visitors, but I think they don't mind them coming. Brighton is doing ok, all he wants to do is play sports. Brinlee still wants me to show the world my bald head. Bennett just turned 8 months this week and is still as happy as ever.